A Commonplace Book

...Moving on to the medical profession, it is easily faulted, of course, if its mission is confused with mercy. Sociologists have long regarded the medical profession as a guild, but more recently have decided it is more accurately described as a gang. Hence the characteristic white jackets, and the wearing of masks for undertakings of unusual violence or questionable legality.

   The initiation rite -- which clearly distinguishes medicine from rival gangs like the Crisps or the Bloods--is organic chemistry, in which the competition for grades is so fierce that premeds are led to steal the reference books and smash the lab apparatus of their fellow students. Such rituals assure that our medical profession continues to select for the criminal element.

   Like the aforementioned rivals, the medical profession has two main preoccupations: the protection of turf, especially from upstarts in the nursing or midwifery professions, and, naturally, the distribution of drugs. Current laws put penicillin, for example, in much the same category as cocaine: it cannot be freely purchased over the counter, but obtained only through specialized salespersons, and then only by the wealthy, the wily, or the unusually desperate.